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I want it all and I want it now

25 Apr 2024

That’s the ego mind’s call. Everything that’s not here, everything that could make me happy, the career, the home, the partner, the experiences. If all that were here now, then I’d be complete.

But nothing would change. I’m not going anywhere. Where would I go? What’s here now is what will always be here. The colours, the sounds, the sensations, the thoughts, they change. But they’re nothing more than appearances to what’s here and which never moves.

The struggle with thoughts comes from the belief that they’re real, and that they are what I am. A mere colouring is identified with and then struggled against. If a cruel thought arises and is believed to be coming from “me”, then another thought arises that “I am cruel, I am bad”. None of these are true. They’re all just appearances.

Wherever I go, the ego mind comes too. It carries the same seeking for the future, but always in the present. The very act of seeking, and the belief that the ego mind is really what I am, keeps attention away from what’s here and what will always be here. The ego is not the enemy. It doesn’t need to go anywhere. It’s just a little companion that imagines anything other than what’s here. That imagines the vast possibilities and infinite fears, hopes and dreams. Once the ego mind is seen not to represent reality, it’s just a harmless, often naive but crazy and loveable friend.

Wherever I am, there’s always Pooh,
There’s always Pooh and Me.
Whatever I do, he wants to do,
“Where are you going today?” says Pooh:
“Well, that’s very odd ‘cos I was too.
Let’s go together,” says Pooh, says he.
“Let’s go together,” says Pooh.

— A.A. Milne

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Jordan West

Sydney, Australia

jordan [at] west.io | twitter | github | youtube | instagram